Thursday, August 21st, 2008
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9:47 am - well then
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Dad,Joyce and the little ones have moved.
Friends have moved away.
Oldest brother attempted suicide on Mothers day....and again on Father's day...
..hes out of the hospital now...
Oldest sister is an alcoholic and starting to pick up on her old drug addictions
I don't know anyone anymore...Everything and Everyone I once knew so well, has altered. I can only make it through the day if I live in my memories of things.
There is nothing here for us.
Adam and I are moving to Italy. Kristi is helping us set things up
I don't even think anyone will notice our disappearance honestly.
Hell, I don't even know why I bother writing in this thing. Throwing words into the wind.
ah well.
until we meet again
current mood:  calm
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, May 25th, 2008
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3:42 pm - just... thoughts...
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A picture worth thousands
your drawing even more
Too late to see
too late to be
Out beyond the farthest star...
even there the reminder of
a place once cherished
Hidden far away
From the bustling crowd,
meaningless conversation,
and hollow laughter...
A secret place in these woods...
Only children's hearts can find it.
And that we did.
Find me friend. I am waiting.
Like the steadfast Oak
I will wait forever.
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(comment on this)
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Wednesday, June 20th, 2007
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6:55 pm - For Nate....
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Saturday, May 26th, 2007
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2:28 pm
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And so, we will be getting married when you comes back to the states.
and we'll live happy ever after with our nerd children.
We will tell each other stories and we'll make life a hell of an adventure.
we can teach each other. support each other.
I dont think I'd be able to spend my life with anyone else, honestly.
I've been afraid to hurt you ...thats why i've stayed away. I didnt want to disappoint you.
you're my best friend
and i will always love you
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, March 6th, 2007
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6:34 pm
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Thursday, March 1st, 2007
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11:09 am - a thousand secrets
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when we were younger a video tape was taken...just lame stuff...
I had come out of the bath...my mom was getting ready...gary was eating cereal..
i havent seen it in years..
My sister Renee called and left it on my voicemail.
It was one of the most thoughtful yet depressing things ever.
i couldnt handle hearing my moms voice...
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Tuesday, February 20th, 2007
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6:54 pm
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Apparently, when I think things cant get worse....a whirlwind of misfortune strikes.
And yet for some reason its at my lowest points that I have this great strength grow inside. Its always happened that way. Its like crap and crap and crap keeps happening, and then the final blow hits and then I am struck with this hope that keeps me striving, a whole new outlook.
I like to think its my mother, sending me her strength, whispering that everything will be okay.
As the current living situation goes, i am staying with my sister. they ask only 25 bucks a week and that i be home every day to babysit.
Easy task i know, but i usually hangout and end up literally falling asleep watching the daily show. my phone alarm didnt wake me up last night.
It was one slip too many, so my sister has given me till july to move. which is generous of her. The thing is,however, I am not extremely uneasy, and dont even want to go home.
Course this new no home problem is added to omega stress from work and a mild depression i have been battling for half my life.
For some reason I have just been feeling utterly alone for the past few months. Last week i was in such a mood to heavily wish death upon myself...not suicide, but...almost a divine intervention....of death. I think if i do die young i want to be in the forest near my old house in cranston...its where i found the most peace. I miss my mother terribly and I just wish that she was here to take care of me.
But shes not. So Im frickin doing it on my own. Sure things suck a bit at times, but that doesnt mean they cant get better.
I found a place for rent. cheap,quirky, and ugly. And yet I am oddly attracked to it. I find a offbeat since of charm to the place...god only knows why.
I have to give them a call back on Friday ::crosses fingers:: hopefully everything goes well :)
but anyway, thats the update...its kind of weird...i dunno, thats how my brain was flowing
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Thursday, February 15th, 2007
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12:10 pm - memories are getting the best of me
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- salsadized rice.
- riding home at five in the morning and having to break into the apartment so i wasnt late for work.
- quoting Dirty work, comedians,cartoons and other jibberish
- watching movies like Krull,Wizard,and Monty Python
- tetris attack
- going to the park
- charlie and lola
- long car rides
- have someone to talk to...that knows me and cares....
but most of all... i really just miss you.
please dont give up on me
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, February 6th, 2007
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5:56 pm - to Armour, with love
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He was an amazing.
He would tease me for playing accordian and i would shoot back bagpipe jokes.
He knew how to teach kids and get them to listen. He was so laidback. He would talk to us on our level...joke around with us... make fun of us... lol
He was caring too...i remember one time he noticed that I wasnt too cheery, i told him about my mom...stuff that was going on...
I used to talk to my brother joe about him all the time, and hes like "Jeez do have a crush on this guy or something? you always talk about him" ...i think i kind of did
I was just talking about him this weekend too. odd eh?
I just read his obituary and got teary eyed all over again...it just sucks so much.
He was only 34. FUCKIN 34!
Just another reminder that life is way too short.
I wonder if he ever finished writing that book, I'd love to read it... even if it isnt finished.
It was about dealing with death... I could really use it right now.
I thought I was used to death by now...i've known so many who have passed...and yet this hit me like a ton of bricks.
anyway i have to go. i love you all....
heres the info on the funeral:
A Mass of Christian Burial will be celebrated Thursday at 10:00 a.m. at St. Leo the Great Church, 723 Central Ave., Pawtucket. Calling Hours Wednesday 4-8 p.m. at the Jones-Walton-Sheridan Funeral Home, 1895 Broad St. at Park Ave., Cranston. Burial will be at Riverside Cemetery in Pawtucket. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to Dana-Farber Cancer Institute, 44 Binney St., MA 02115
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Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
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12:47 pm - hm.. update
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well life never fails to amaze me.
A thousand stories to be told. (speaking of, has anyone seen The Story Teller? a Show by Jim Henson, highly recommended)
Friends come and go. Find love, Loose Love, Fall down, Pick self up. Oy.
Just been in a kind of isolation, doing some reflecting, sorry if caused any worry. I love you Nate, you know this. Just telling you again. No one will ever understand us. Hahaha, let 'em try.
My friends..I tell stories about you. It keeps you there with me through my day. I'm here for you always. You want to talk, or hangout. I'm here for you, always have been always will be.
I've stayed away because I needed time to think about my life. Thinking about the past and present. and ever hopeful future.
I've tried dating...I can't do it. I can't be with someone when part of my heart belongs to someone else. time for me.
Watched the rest of Firefly...I love that show...Now just need to buy Serenity.
haha, Matt and I watched David the Gnome. That brought me waaaay back. I love gnome kisses.
Went to Vermont for the wedding. simply wonderful. i love my family so much. they had a frickin secondary mario cake. love love love. video games were played,toast was eaten, and there was dancing. I liked my dress.
I love the older ladies at work, they're my friends and they take care of me...it's so cute.
I'd like to go ice skating. That would be so nice.
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(comment on this)
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Monday, December 25th, 2006
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10:18 pm
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When My younger sister Anastasia was 3 and a half she began playing Zelda games with my Dad.
She would sit on his lap and help him with puzzles. She'd remember more then he did. She started opening up treasure chests and playing on her own.
One thing held her back. Reading. Thats right, so my little FUCKING AMAZING sister began to learn to read for no other reason then to play Zelda.
She also began to count rupies.Now She has gone through all the Zelda games and is currently playing twighlight princess on gamecube.
why game cube? why not the wii?
Because Link is FUCKING left handed. yeah, because the majority of people are right handed so they had to flip the game.
Emma is starting to play zelda now too...she opens the treasure chests....but shes starting to get fusterated because she cant read.
I love my little sisters.
^_^ I had a fun christmas.
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, December 19th, 2006
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2:36 pm - im a bridesmaid. woot
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Tuesday, December 12th, 2006
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12:21 am
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Sometimes life lets you down...
Some times people let you down...
and then you go and let yourself down.
Three cheers for you, way to fuck up again.
-.-
graaahhhh.
i thought i was just doing bad cuz it was november. oh its ok, your just feeling like this cuz its a bad time of year...
but...why has it lasted till december?
i miss being five.
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Wednesday, November 29th, 2006
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7:19 pm - 'nuff said
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Wednesday, November 8th, 2006
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8:34 pm
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i love nate.
nuff said.
cant seem to keep myself away from trouble makers.
my sister wants us to dress up as faeries in her wedding.
huh?
Since when do the Trudels have a family sword?
I love to drink I love to drink I love to drink.
I feel like death is all around me.
I hate November its the worst month, miss my mom, hate my mom, love my mom, miss her some more. why'd she go? we're all gunna die. My deepest sympathy for Daniel... just want to hug the girl.
Haven't seen my dad in a while. he's cooler then your dad, and i can prove it. maybe not but he'd beat anyone in a game of bible trivia... or monty python/zelda/national geographic trivia... god my dad is awesome.
finally have a saturday off... time to party in URI like its fuckin 2006
I'd rather be a pumpkin pie then a skinny pickle... which reminds me... my grandparents are so frickin cute.
I love that all the oldies at work call me "Smiley"
and that everyday at work i get to have a conversation aboot video games/simpsons/fantastic movies that'll rock your boat.
yeah, be jealous
love you all
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, November 2nd, 2006
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4:16 pm
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so lots of things have been happening.
yeeep.
movies and parties and work.
Johnny Cash- Hurt
I love this song... its so good.
halloween was fun. i had a tutu and striped socks. ^_^
got bit by a vampire. Hey its Dube! (love that girl)
"I got a rock"
Oh david bowie... love you too. which reminds me, ashley has the most amzing picture on her myspace. it captures so many emotions and it radiates love. i must admit I am quite jealous.
:)
Work is going to have me stressed next week... but its alright because everything is pretty sweet right now.
Sha la la la la la live for today.
you know it.
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(3 comments | comment on this)
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Tuesday, October 24th, 2006
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4:08 pm
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wowzers..
back in action, lol.
oh man so much to say...but my hands are so fricken cold.
life is starting to settle down.
fall in love, fall out of love.
time goes on time goes on.
drop me a line i'd love to hear from you all
i really miss my friends
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(comment on this)
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Tuesday, July 11th, 2006
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10:36 am - Story of my life
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Been hanging with the amigos ala katie molly stephie
Spent the fourth w/the Leclercs. ^_^
Thursday I went to Thayer with katie and sarah and hot an industrial piercing in my left ear. yeah its really cool. you wish you were as cool as me :p
Friday we went to Olive Garden with Angie and Colby and then went to see Pirates of the Carribean.... The door greeters were dressed as pirates..... awesome. great movie by the way... a must see.
I had a picnic on Saturday. ^_^ walked around the park... wee fun. Twas Steph's B-day so I made sure I left her messages. Oh and then!!!\
I got to see Olivia at work! which was awesome, because Olivia rocks. And if you didnt see her then ....sucks to be you :p
^_^ shes so cool.... im sad she's in texas.
Got to hangout with me brother for two days ina row. ::shock:: He is head over heals about Maria. It is the cutest thing ever.
but yeah... other then that...just lots of work and saving up the $$s
squiggle- dee squirm
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Thursday, July 6th, 2006
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6:29 pm - i got lanced
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Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
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5:55 pm - Oh look , i drew up a Storm
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